the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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