We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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