it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
