I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
