And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
