I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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