i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.