took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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