Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's the barista slut.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
