But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
