??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
