A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
