I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
