You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
