Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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