Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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