did you get engaged???
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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