You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
