During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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