I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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