I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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