I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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