Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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