I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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