if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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