the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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