The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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