Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
