Soap is not a condiment
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
