you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is Oprah even human
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
