i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
