I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
