The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
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there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I believe in your delicious
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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