i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You're earring is so big in my mouth
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
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Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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