this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want to fling myself into the sun
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
