Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
