glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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