I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
