I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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