So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
