your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
