WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
