Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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