Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
