so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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