I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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