Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
