the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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