You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
