i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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