He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
