I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
