I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
