I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
