I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize