Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
