I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
