sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
