We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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