Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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