I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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