Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
ok first of all what the fuck
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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