she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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