Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
