walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
