btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
