my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
if only i could text you this smell
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
