Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
