i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
